How to handle parenting disagreements between parents?

When a father and mother have different ideas or opinions on a certain issue of educating their child, how to face and handle this situation is most beneficial for the child's growth?

Expert Q&A:

Disagreement between parents regarding their children's education is a common occurrence in many families. Due to differences in educational methods received in their respective families of origin, or different beliefs about social development and child growth, it is inevitable for parents to have differences in parenting concepts and methods during the process of jointly cultivating their children. How to view parenting differences between parents, and how to face and handle such differences in order to better promote children's growth? This is indeed a very important and worthy issue for parents to pay attention to.

Firstly, parents should approach each other's parenting differences rationally. Many parenting disagreements between parents may not be simply a matter of right or wrong, but rather different perspectives and emphasis on nurturing children. If parents can rationally view differences and strive to understand each other's starting points, it will not lead to the escalation of conflicts, and can even help them view their children's growth more comprehensively and dialectically. For example, regarding the question of whether to buy a mobile phone for children, supporters believe that in the era of intelligence, early education should teach children how to use electronic products such as mobile phones correctly, so that children can better adapt to the development of the times; Opponents argue that it is difficult for children to control their use of smartphones and that they should be completely banned to prevent children from becoming addicted to their phones. On this issue, both parents have a certain point of view. Both sides should shift their focus from whether or not to give their children mobile phones to how to keep them up with the pace of the intelligent era while effectively avoiding their addiction to mobile phones. By taking a more comprehensive and rational view of the problem, the consequences of parental differences may shift from negative destructive to positive constructive.

Secondly, let children find positive factors in their parents' differences. Many parents are concerned that differences in parenting may have a negative impact on their children, so they hope that all parenting concepts and actions of their family members are consistent. In fact, as the main body of growth, children have their own discernment and regulation abilities. When parents have differences in parenting, if the child's age group already has a certain level of understanding ability, they can actively communicate with the child, guide the child to participate in analysis and discussion. On the one hand, it can help the child learn to look at problems from different perspectives and draw on the rationality of the differences in parental viewpoints. On the other hand, it can also help parents look at problems from the child's perspective, not just limited to their own ideas or perspectives. Taking the issue of mobile phone usage as an example, parents can chat with their children about how to use their phones reasonably to maintain a balance between entertainment, life, and learning, which is also beneficial for cultivating children's autonomy and independent thinking ability.

Again, try to avoid facing and dealing with disagreements emotionally. It is also unrealistic for parents to achieve complete consistency in parenting. When there is a disagreement on specific parenting issues, both parties can choose a suitable time to discuss the issue, and do not rush to persuade the other party or hope to resolve the disagreement and reach an agreement immediately. Especially when one or both parties' emotions are a bit intense or unstable, it is not suitable to continue the discussion. You can wait until both parties calm down before continuing the discussion calmly. Avoid intense arguments in front of children. Firstly, it can damage the atmosphere and relationships within the family. Secondly, children may easily attribute their parents' arguments to themselves, leaving a psychological shadow on them. Parenting itself is not a simple task, but as long as families respect and understand each other in an equal and open mindset, they can bridge their differences and grow together.