Some netizens have expressed that fathers often engage in confrontational communication on education issues, often not being at home, not understanding their children's situation, and occasionally "preaching" to other family members. But some netizens also believe that the father's absence is understandable, because he is too busy with work. So, who should be in charge of the children? How should we rationally view the role of fathers?

Source: Visual China Source: Visual China
An anxious mother, an invisible father, a worried ancestor, and a spoiled child "is a vivid portrayal of some parenting families nowadays. The Fourth Survey on the Social Status of Chinese Women shows that only 11.7% of Chinese families share educational activities with both parents, while 67.5% of homework guidance for children aged 0-17 is provided by mothers. It can be said that family education is still the "home field" for mothers.

Of course, we cannot unilaterally interpret modern family education as a "zombie style" or "widow style" parenting. We should also recognize that every family in modern society has different specific situations, and many fathers actively participate in family upbringing and take on the responsibility of parenting.

However, it cannot be denied that in some families, the role of fathers in parenting is missing, which also brings about negative impacts. From choosing schools for enrollment and daily learning, to expanding interests, cultivating habits, and even various online check-in tasks for parent groups, the burden on mothers' shoulders is becoming increasingly heavy; Some children suffer from various psychological problems due to the lack of effective companionship from their fathers. Psychological surveys have shown that children who lack sufficient care and companionship from their fathers are often more likely to exhibit anxiety, loneliness, damaged self-esteem, and weak self-control.

So, where have all these 'invisible dads' gone? Some are busy striving for their careers and socializing, as if they have crossed out the task of taking care of their children from their to-do list; Some people occasionally have free weekends at home, but they are not physically or mentally present, holding their phones and immersing themselves in the virtual world. They do not want to manage, dare not manage, or cannot manage well. High quality parent-child time has become a "luxury", and their parenting skills are constantly deteriorating in the constant calls for help from "go find your mother".

Absent fatherly love often has a compensation mechanism in some families, where the older generation joins in, making parenting a "family mobilization", with young mothers becoming the ones in charge of parenting and the older generation providing assistance. But this does not mean that the role and responsibility of the father can be 'transferred' or even replaced. Parenting is a long journey that requires both parents to go hand in hand. During this journey, mutual care and companionship from both sides can steadily support every step of a child's growth.

Source: Visual China Source: Visual China
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So, why do some family education in real life often evolve into a "one-man show" for mothers? In my opinion, there are at least the following reasons:

For example, the stereotype of traditional ideas. The deep-rooted traditional mindset of "a loving mother holds the thread, a wanderer wears the shirt" from Meng's mother's three relocations and Meng's suburb to "men lead the outside, women lead the inside" still makes some men believe that earning money to support the family is the top priority, and accompanying and educating children should be the wife's responsibility. But nowadays, the traditional family division of labor is no longer the same as before, and women from dual income families have long held up half of the sky in the workplace. They have to juggle in the workplace while also taking care of their families. Excellent enlightenment education certainly cannot be separated from the careful nourishment of mothers, but the soul questioning of "choosing career or family" should not become an invisible shackle on mothers.

For example, the "belated awareness" of nurturing stress. Nowadays, the education competition of "winning at the starting line" has formed relatively high educational expectations in families, and some even experience parenting anxiety. But when faced with these parenting anxieties, although fathers and mothers may have consistent understanding and judgment, they present different feelings and coping styles. Generally speaking, mothers' anxiety and expectations are more direct and specific, and they have a clearer plan for their children's education, while fathers are often more belated and passive, asking questions such as "Can this be done?" and "Is it necessary to be so anxious?"… Sometimes, some words and actions that are seen as "slacking off" may just be a deviation from educational philosophy, and misunderstandings about the "lack of fatherhood" may arise as a result.

For example, parenting skills pale in comparison. When it comes to the role of a father, most people's minds will think of Zhu Ziqing's' Back '. That diligent and reticent figure has almost become a representative of Chinese fathers. However, modern parenting is not only about taking on physical tasks such as feeding, walking, and tutoring homework, but also an emotional labor that requires mental and energy investment, such as carefully guiding and cultivating children's self-care, social, and other abilities. In this regard, some fathers consider themselves less sensitive than women, and some are too lazy to invest patience, so they choose to quietly "hide" or "lie flat" with their children.

Dad is also a first-time dad. No one is born to be a parent, and there is no perfect father in the world. But being a perfect dad should not just be an ideal, it can also be a career that every dad is committed to.

This Father's Day, children and their fathers from a certain class of Wuyi Experimental Primary School in Jinhua are playing games. Source: Tide News App. This Father's Day, children and their fathers from a certain class of Wuyi Experimental Primary School in Jinhua are playing games. Source: Tide News App
Some people say that fathers cannot participate in parenting mainly because they are too busy with work and have too many things to do. However, striving for a career and fulfilling the role of a father should not become an irreconcilable contradiction. How can we better stimulate the "fatherly energy" of parenting and rediscover the "invisible father"? I have a few opinions.

More companionship, not being an outsider. Striving hard can certainly create better material conditions for the family and children, but in the scientific parenting system, fathers are seen as a key role in the parenting process. In this system that includes disciplines such as medicine, education, psychology, and sociology, experts and scholars from different disciplines have provided explanations and certifications from different perspectives on the importance of fathers' involvement in parenting. For example, some studies have shown that fathers' involvement in their children's growth can increase their sense of security through male strength, and also help alleviate mother son relationships, create a harmonious family atmosphere, and better assist children in achieving socialization.

It can be seen that a father's love that is not absent is the best way to "enrich oneself". Of course, encouraging fathers to participate in parenting can help them start from small things. Even if it's just fragmented participation, as long as you are sincere and lead by example, it's high-quality companionship.

More trust, don't be a 'bad reviewer'. Family education has never been a 'one-man battle', and mothers can never replace the role of fathers. Fathers and mothers naturally complement each other and achieve mutual success. However, in real life, many mothers feel resentful and angry about their fathers' parenting performance, and there are also some novice fathers who feel aggrieved, "not because they don't want to do it, but because they don't know what to do, or no matter what they do, they will be criticized.

Moms may try to allocate some patience to dads, make good use of their strengths in sports, hands-on activities, etc., encourage dads to participate more in their children's sports, science, social practice and other activities, and be more relaxed as parents. While praising their children, give dads more praise.

More support, no tight spell. Throughout China and abroad, the public and policy measures are calling for and implementing measures to reduce the burden on mothers, but often overlook the policy support and corresponding compensation mechanisms that fathers, as an important part of parenting, should receive. With the progress of society, "discovering the father" is no longer a private matter of the family, but should also become the direction for the whole society to work together. Nowadays, many places in China further emphasize the indispensable role of fathers in parenting, and promote holidays such as "care leave" and "parental leave" for fathers to support the implementation of fatherhood. We look forward to more fatherly parenting and more policies and mechanisms to support fathers and help them find a balance between life and work.

More than 100 years ago, Lu Xun had already had forward thinking in his book "How to Be a Father Now": "Parents should cultivate their children in a healthy way, educate them as much as possible, and completely liberate them." May every father become a "confidant" on the path of their children's growth, and that every family can encounter beautiful things together.

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