After breaking up, I was even sadder than you

After breaking up, I was even sadder than you. That year, I was admitted to university with the highest score in the county, becoming the pride of my family and villagers. However, my poor family background made my college life very dull, hovering around the four o'clock line of studying, attending classes, and earning money. My classmates call me a miser and come to me whenever they have the opportunity. They jokingly say, "Hey, I heard you're willing to do anything as long as you can make money." I can only pretend not to care and say, "Yes, I'm willing." The money I earn so hard is half for paying my own tuition fees and half for my family to support my younger brother's education.

My younger brother always writes to me saying, 'Brother, I also want to go to Beijing to study at university!' They don't know my hardships, and I don't want anyone to see my hardships except her.

She is a junior sister who is one year younger than me. When welcoming new students, I picked her up and helped her carry luggage and find a bed. She insisted on treating me to a meal, so I ate. After finishing, I felt bloated and took her for a walk around the school to help her find her way. Later, she said that she started to like me at that time. She was tall and thin, very silent, and had many worries. Others say she's young, but I didn't give her a second glance. Yeah, at that time I was thinking, what should I do with my weekly meal expenses after paying the bill? I never thought about finding a girlfriend, let alone a fashionable and beautiful city girl like her. As a result, she often came to me and audited our class, asking others about my affairs. What particularly moved me was that on my birthday, she bought a cake and waited for me at the school gate. I went to do tutoring and didn't come back until 10 pm. She waited for me for 6 hours. From childhood to adulthood, no one has been so kind to me. I took the cake from her hand and held her hand in mine, warming her up. She said, 'I know you're under a lot of pressure, don't be afraid, let's share the burden together, okay?' She was really naive, and I was also naive at that time. People who are blinded by love can do anything and say anything.

We rented a small house near the school and lived together. I have been confirmed to be recommended for graduate school, and I have bought her many books to take the postgraduate entrance examination. Every day we attend classes together, listen to lectures, go to the cafeteria for meals, and in the evening when I go out to work, she waits for me at home. She bought discounted fruits, peeled them one by one, cut them into pieces for me to eat, and even learned how to cook with a honeycomb coal stove for the first time... I know she loves me so much, and I am wholeheartedly devoted to her. It is said that love is the most expensive, but I didn't spend much more money. I even sent an extra 300 yuan to my family, and she said it was to buy me new clothes. We can have the cheapest food this month.

She mentioned me to her family, and both of her parents requested to meet me. I was fully mentally prepared, but I was still startled by their family. Her family lives in a particularly high-end duplex house with very luxurious decoration. Mom said that because she is an only child, she hopes to live together after getting married. Her father frowned as he looked at my tattered jeans and old shirt. I think this comparison of wealth and poverty is too exaggerated or based on stories in novels, which is really unacceptable. I can't forget a sentence her father said to me: 'My Nannan has never suffered any hardship or been wronged since she was young. Young man, can you do it?' I didn't answer, I knew I couldn't. At the same time, I also learned how much she sacrificed to be with me. If you don't live in a good house, don't live in a dormitory. Follow me to squeeze into a room, wear good clothes, and wear sportswear all year round. In the past, when a new restaurant opened, her father would always drive the whole family to eat, and now she is following me to eat boiled cabbage. She saved my living expenses and helped me pay for my tuition. All of this is what a poor lover can give her. She said, 'If I love you, I won't feel bitter.' But my heart aches, as if my whole being is about to be torn apart. I cannot choose my background, but why did she choose me, choosing such a heavy burden?

Sure enough, her family did not agree. Her parents also went to great lengths to encourage her to study abroad, despite not separating us on the surface. She happily told me, 'Let's apply together and go abroad to study.' I smiled and agreed. I didn't tell her that my younger brother has failed and will repeat his studies for a year. I am currently in my senior year of high school. I found more jobs and convinced her to move back to the dormitory, deliberately distancing herself from her day by day without letting her notice. Because her personality is so bright and lively, but also a bit careless, she had no idea that I was actually considering breaking up.

Most of the time we spent together was learning English. She said, 'I feel like you're not that good to me anymore.' I replied, 'No, it's better for you to study hard.' Aren't you planning to study abroad? I waited until she finished her RE exam and helped her send out her resume, documents, and application. I was even busier than she was. She began to hesitate more and more, asking me what to do. I said it's easy for me, I've done well in exams, what are you afraid of. When I say these words, I don't look at her because my eyes will reveal the truth.

Her admission letter has arrived, and I finally breathed a sigh of relief. I called my mom and told her, "Auntie, Nannan can study abroad now. Don't worry," she asked hesitantly, "won't you follow me? I said I wouldn't go. I have family to take care of, and I sincerely hope that Nannan will live a happy life. Unfortunately, I can't do it, so I will never involve her. Mom cried on the phone, saying that you are a good child who can understand the hearts of your parents. I said I understand, I don't blame you, really.

Poor guys shouldn't have love. I told her to break up. Am I worthy? It's because I'm not good enough. I can't bear to let you suffer with me. I have parents and grandparents to take care of, and a younger brother waiting to study. I have to work hard for at least 10 more years to ensure a good life for my whole family. I love you, so I shouldn't be with you. We were wrong from the beginning. I'm sorry, I hope you can forget about me.

She cried to tears, hitting me, biting me, kicking me. I didn't fight back, but I didn't advise her either. Long pain is better than short pain. Go abroad, my beloved girl. There will be better people and love to compensate you. I don't want you to be unable to fully enjoy life in your most beautiful years because of me. I am a poor person, and what I give you is far from what you deserve. Let's end it like this. Believe me, I feel even more heartbroken than you because I had to hurt you and leave you, the person I love the most.